I hear your voice in the distance
I turn to see a thousand cherry blossoms fall in your memory
I smell a remnant of your scent in the room you dwelled in
Even in your weaken state
you still retained an element of beauty
Your voice brung a calm in the uneasy moments
You still speak to me in whispers in my unconscious state
Your strength will keep this family alive
your warmth with remain in the flithy heart of mine
Sitting here just thinking of your memory
Tears start to blurr my vision
Pain fills my body
You were just there in my view
Then I blinked
You were gone
The void is filling my air
I can't seem to breathe when I think of you
Seeing the fire in your eyes fade slow
Was so painful for me
I am a coward
I ran away when you needed me
Regret is the only thing left to me
A present never charished or forgotten
As the rain falls down
I remember you as I am sitting here
Hurry up and run from me
Not matter how hard I push
You're stilll with me
The warmth of you burns me
and The kindness you give poisons me
I am tired of hiding this side of me
The warth that I keep is eroding me
My love for you has never changed but
the future I seek
It you I don't see
We are to different and may be
soon you'll see
The darkness that lives in me
I am imprisoned by you presence
and cut by all the lies
I tell myself to keep my mind here
I want to bleed you out of my vains
Before I regret ever meeting you
Through seasons of my adolecence
you were there for me
The awkwardness of the courtship with my love
was soothed with your motherly ways
The welcoming that you provided everytime our paths crossed
is missed already and you have only been gone but for a moment
The last time we meet you were small like a child
but you spirit was still regal as ever
You command respect and attention whenever your spirit is around
This summer we'll give you to the ground
and let your spirit roam free
but a part of me will be imprisioned by the void
that you leave
I saw him for the first time
My time of birth
He held time in the palm of his hand
His words towered over me
Like angels wings sheltering me
He nourished my soul
He prophesied my furture the day I left his arms
He protected me from my weakness and fed me his strength
He is the one I seek comfort from
He is the one who can quite my soul when it cries
His is my Elijah and my prophet
He is my begin and he foretold my end
Daddy is what my lips call out when I am in pain
Pops is what falls out of my mouth when my soul smiles
I call you many things because I see you in many ways
I hear your voice off in the distance
Calling my name
Like a beckoning child
I follow it to you
I see you sinking in your own darkness
I stand at the edge of your sanity holding out my hands
I pull your tired body to me
Hoping to give you some of the strength I have
I shelter you from your pain with the strength I have left
Just like a child you struggle to get away from me
Crying in your own frustration
My soul screams out
"I am here for you to lean on!"
But you do not hear me
I struggle to keep you in my arms
As you rip through my sanity
With your screams of pain
I will not let you go
I will not let you fall
No matter how
Seeing you confused and lost
I feel dusgust myself that I can not do a thing
to help you find yourself
Seeing you slow erode in front of me
I feel as though I am losig piece of my identity
I am a coward
Every time I see you I want to run away
I want to forget that i even love you
I feel the pain crushing me
Sufforcating me
What selfishiness is taking over me
I don't want you to die
I don't want to watch this but i have no choice
I am powerless to do anything
Aren't I the worthless daughter
I can't stand looking at you now
In this state that you are in
I want to tare me eyes out
So I don't have to see your pain
I put on mask after mask
to hide the tears that keep on falling
As I drink the liquor that would push my former
self deeper in oblivion
I wonder how long it will take to
quite her screams for freedom
Will I become a lover of this liquor before
Sweet oblivion comes
Or will I suffer the screams
until something wicked
comes to end this
I have already been tortured
enough in the regret that I call my past
When will the pain of this emptiness
stop stabbing at my soul
When will my stubborn soul break
so I can just sink to the bottom
of the darkness that waits for me
Why do I keep on waking up for?
What is there for me?
All I fe
The time I use to research the memories in my head
I tend to bite my lip when the tears begin to tred upon my cheek
Thinking of the time I missed with you through out my youth
As a youth I thought I knew the worl and all that it had to offer me
But I never looked up to see the wisdom there for me
Your eyes filled with life's little trails already mapped out for me
Before I knew I grew to be alone in this deprivity
If only I reached for your extended hand
Then I wouldn't have experienced life little grief
My leaves were tatterd and torn
My vines withered to dust and blow away with the winter's frost
But in the spring you
I heard the winter wind across the trees
And it remind me of when we were here
Holding you like there was no end
The pain swells in my soul
Seeing my empty arms now
You pick a beautiful scenery for a the last act of our love
I come to the place were I lost you
The warmth of you will always be with me
Your scent pulls me to where you are
But I cant say goodbye to this life yet
I often look up at the velvety night sky
Wondering how different my life would be
If only you wouldnt have left me
The regret of our painful parting burns on my lips
The weight of it all press my body down into my own darkness
You pick a beaut
I am trying to find
Something within me
Worth living for
A shred of existence
A sliver of a soul
But nothing comes through but
Crimson death
The taste of crimson is my pain
The pain is sadistically my joy
Call me insane
Call me what you will
But emptiness fills me
Until my crimson lover come to me
The taste is as rich
As perfectly aged wine
The feeling is as intoxicating
As any drug
It is my life
At the same time
It's my curse
But I can never
Refuse
My crimson delight
As I lie here
Under a sea of my uncertainty
I look up to see
Light from the night's crescent moon
It begins to remind me
Remembering the innocence
That once was mine
Waves of emotion seize my mind
Fear
Pain
Loathing
Of what had become of me
In this eternity of sadistic rapture
When will my purgatory end
Haven't I repented for my sins?
Sins of my life
that life that shamed me
The weight of the loneliness
Of this exile
That you forced upon me
Will crush me in the end
Yearning for the emptiness
The loneliness
Yearning for you to free me
From my burdens
I look in his eyes hoping to see life
Within them again
As my mind
As the tears flood my eyes
The blood drains from your body into the earth below
The memories of our being begin to fade in the distance twilight
Oh my friend
How you use to laugh at the simple things
Now your life is leaving me
You are slipping from my hands
Like sand through my fingers
My mind is in chaos
My heart is in agony
My sight is blurred
I see the sun set
And yet I don't
Is this purgatory
Or is this hell
Whatever it is I will have to endure it
Until the day when our eyes will meet once more
The more I sit here in your presents
The more you show me
How ugly you can be
You manipulate your prey
With such ease
You never cease to amaze them
With your beauty
But you just give me unending
Sorrow and agony
You abuse the child with in me
And rot away my innoccence
There is nothing left of me
But this shell hollowed out
And full of decay
So why not let the re my crimson lover
I hear your voice in the distance
I turn to see a thousand cherry blossoms fall in your memory
I smell a remnant of your scent in the room you dwelled in
Even in your weaken state
you still retained an element of beauty
Your voice brung a calm in the uneasy moments
You still speak to me in whispers in my unconscious state
Your strength will keep this family alive
your warmth with remain in the flithy heart of mine
Current Residence: Florida Favourite genre of music: don't have one Favourite style of art: Dark Favourite cartoon character: Alucard Personal Quote: Think before you speak....
I have been on here in a while....YES! I am still alive....WOrking at my new job for about 6 months and it's okay..Had some knee issue which are being resolved now...Getting back in the gym after that...I have missed you'll...
I am on me final dose of the thyroid pill and I need to refill the other prescriptions again. I am starting to work out and trying to eat right.
I am hoping for a call from a job I applied for and I am trying to keep in touch with family. Nothing really exciting happening here.